The Mug Shot:
Look straight ahead and contemplate the lousy Kirkus review you’re sure to get.
The Talk Show Host:
Place one hand under your chin and imagine listening to someone else, something you rarely do as a writer.
Throw your head back and grin ecstatically after ordering a box of your favorite gel pens.
The West Nile:
Sit at a scenic outdoor table at dusk, notebook open in front of you. If you contract the virus at least your mother will never have to read your memoir.
The James Dean:
Turn up the collar on your leather jacket and give a small smile knowing your arch rival’s book was remaindered.
The Corrections Officer:
Cross your arms while wearing something stark. Remember to showcase your proofreading symbol tattoo.
Push your hair behind your ear with one finger while considering what it would be like to have a job that’s actually useful, like firefighter, or accountant, or… hair clip.
Arrange the lighting so your face is bathed in shadow. Maybe you committed a murder like the one described in your novel, maybe you didn’t.
The Curious Dog:
Tilt your head and wonder, how does The Times really compile its best seller list?
The Cat Attractant:
Sit at an indoor table, laptop open in front of you. Stare pensively at the screen as you realize the timeline of your cozy mystery is horribly flawed.
The Load-Bearing Wall:
Lean sideways against a brick wall as if you are needed for support, as if you could actually provide support to anyone on a writer’s income.
The TV Commentator:
Pose in front of your built-in bookshelves after replacing the dog-eared copy of Fifty Shades of Grey with a pristine copy of Proust.
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