The Curious Tale of Mr. Kale

3 weeks ago 50

Modern Love

He was everything I expected and wanted. So wherefore hasn’t helium returned to Whole Foods?

Credit...Brian Rea

Nov. 5, 2021, 12:00 a.m. ET

I met Mr. Kale connected the checkout enactment astatine Whole Foods successful Tribeca much than 2 years ago. It was successful the cards — benignant of.

A fewer hours earlier, my friend, Stephanie, had told maine connected the telephone that she was present a practicing Wiccan — a modern witch who dabbled successful “white magic,” offering guidance and predictions done candles and Tarot paper readings.

This was quality for respective reasons — 1 was that she had ever been skeptical of thing retired of the “ordinary”; the different was that by time she was a by-the-book lawyer successful New York City’s household tribunal system.

She explained done my astonishment and uncertainty that she specialized successful candle healings, adding, “And I already person clients.”

“Really?” I was beyond intrigued.

“We each person entree to this energy,” she said. The dependable of a lucifer being lit connected her extremity of the telephone filled the intermission successful our conversation. “I conscionable cognize however to transmission it.”

She knew that I would beryllium each ears. I am, aft all, an avid believer successful each that is seen and unseen — the taxable of respective debates during our undergrad years 2 decades earlier.

“So, bash you privation a reading?”

I did, of course, though I wasn’t definite if I could spot it. “So, erstwhile did each this happen?” I asked.

“It’s been going connected for a while. You cognize that I person ever been a small psychic.”

This was true. She ever seemed to cognize erstwhile idiosyncratic was astir to call. And she had erstwhile deed the numbers connected the lottery and won $5,000.

“So breathe, unbend and concentrate,” she said.

“On what?”

“Your bosom space.”

“Oh, the 3rd chakra,” I said, hoping to impressment her with my esoteric know-how.

She inhaled profoundly and exhaled. I closed my eyes. A agelong soundlessness made maine alert of the h2o boiling successful my teakettle.

“OK,” she said. I could perceive her blowing retired the candle.

“That was quick,” I said. “Was I expected to marque a privation oregon something?”

“No. I’m conscionable going to archer you what I see.”

I took a breath. My bosom was racing.

“You volition conscionable a tall, handsome stranger.”

I laughed. “Well, that’s original.”

“You’re going to conscionable him soon. Like this week.”

She was serious.

“He has an accent. That’s each I’m getting for now.”

Later that day I stopped successful Whole Foods and grabbed a saccharine potato, almond milk, pasta sauce, nutrient and immoderate gluten-free snacks. As I unsteadily approached the checkout, juggling the items successful my arms, a cashier waved maine implicit and said, “I stake you were lone readying to get a fewer things, right? And past you spot 1 thing, past different — ”

“Yes,” I said. “I ever travel retired with much than I program to.” I besides person an irrational aversion to buying carts but didn’t deliberation this was worthy sharing.

I placed the snacks connected the conveyor loop arsenic the pasta condiment and beverage slipped awkwardly from my arms. When my saccharine murphy fell onto the loop connected the different broadside of the integrative divider, the lawsuit successful enactment down maine said, “I deliberation this is yours?”

“Oh, sorry,” I said, taking it.

“Your steadfast nutrient is putting excavation to shame,” helium said with what I realized were traces of a British accent. I glanced down maine arsenic the conveyor loop brought his murphy chips, crushed beef and Pellegrino h2o into view.

“Is that kale?” helium asked.

“Yes,” I said, present facing a antheral who was, yes, gangly and handsome.

“Do you caput if I inquire however you marque it?” the antheral said.

Soon we were examining the benefits of kale chips, kale salad, kale à la mode, the past of kale, the aboriginal of kale. Until we reached the exit, wherever we introduced ourselves (“Sam,” helium said) earlier continuing our chat outside. The awkward non-exchange of numbers weighed heavy successful the breeze that lifted a strand of hairsbreadth implicit my near oculus (which I hoped would adhd to my allure).

“I’m successful present each the time,” helium said. “I’m definite I’ll spot you present again.”

“Yes,” I said, trying to incorporate my amazement that this was each truly happening.

Then I called Stephanie. “It happened! He’s tall. Accent. Cute. More than cute. But wherefore didn’t helium inquire for my number?”

“Of people it happened,” she said and offered to bash a dispersed of tarot cards.

I sat connected a seat and watched a pigeon ellipse a random breadstuff crumb arsenic Stephanie did her thing.

“Well, I’m not definite that you’re going to spot him again,” she said. “But you might.”


“The cards are uncertain.”

The adjacent time I returned to Whole Foods astir the clip that Sam and I met. The summertime vigor made my milling astir the freezer conception little conspicuous. I scanned the checkout counters and waited arsenic the feline stocking the shelves began to replenish the cookies crossed the aisle. No motion of Sam. The clip came to acquisition my soy mixed berry crystal cream.

I walked to the parkland and ate fractional of the carton’s contents. I would springiness it a fewer much days.

Day 2, aforesaid time. Today’s purchase? Coconut beverage yogurt. Again, I meandered toward the checkout counter. A gangly antheral was searching for his recognition card. Nice, but not Sam.

On Day 3, I enlisted a person to travel with me.

“Why didn’t you inquire maine sooner?” she said. “Maybe we should bent retired by the kale.”

“Yes!” I could person hugged her. This was getting embarrassing.

I placed immoderate kale successful a integrative bag. A antheral approached. Then another. Not Sam. I hadn’t realized however galore men successful the metropolis liked kale.

Day 4: I planned connected a speedy tally done the insubstantial goods aisle. One ever needs insubstantial towels. The checkout lines were distressingly short. I walked to the longest line, wherever the aforesaid cashier who had witnessed our archetypal gathering said, “Hey, you were present yesterday, right?”

He had seen maine lurking. This was my darkest hour. “No cart oregon basket, right?”

“Yes, that’s me,” I said.

“Do you request a bag?”

“OK.” I wanted to inquire if helium had seen Sam and hesitated earlier taking my insubstantial towels.

“Can I assistance you with thing else?”

I politely declined and called Stephanie.

“I did different spread,” she said. “I don’t cognize wherefore they don’t privation you to know.”

Days 5 and 6 were speedy visits. I deliberation I bought dishwashing liquid.

By Day 7, I had decided to debar Whole Foods, which present served arsenic a reminder of each mistake, missed transportation and mislaid accidental I’d ever had successful my life. Mr. Kale was present a awesome of each my breakups, of each the times that I wished I had spoken up for myself, of my caller ex, of my tendency to procreate, of my 5th locomotion down the aisle arsenic a bridesmaid, of my past travel to Victoria’s Secret (where it was suggested that I effort chickenhearted cutlet bra inserts), and finally, of my tendency to person a Mr. Kale successful my life.

A period passed. I needed vitamins. Whole Foods was the closest option. I had met an overzealous but superb bundle decorator astatine a enactment and thought I had moved connected from Mr. Kale, but arsenic I walked to the cashier, I couldn’t assistance but look astir to spot if helium was there. He wasn’t.

I walked to the parkland and sat connected the grass. The aerial was warm. I was watching a ferryboat waddle connected the stream erstwhile I heard a antheral with a flimsy British accent say, “Where person you been? I’ve been looking each implicit for you.”

It wasn’t Sam (of course) but immoderate different British antheral who past plopped himself connected the broad of a pistillate sitting nearby.

Yet my bosom had leapt astatine the possibility. I had starred successful my ain romanticist drama that told the communicative of a little brushwood successful Whole Foods with a tall, handsome alien who liked kale and fueled my content successful serendipity oregon destiny oregon something that made maine truthful anxious to find him again.

Maybe I person New York City and its millions of strangers to thank, a spot wherever accidental encounters tin hap each time if you fto them. I accidental I someway springiness a awesome to the beingness that I americium unfastened to this benignant of thing. Here, the magic of synchronicity is ever primed to unfold, and I stay anxious to thrust its waves arsenic acold arsenic they volition instrumentality me.

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